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Cat Stevens Accused of Terrorism over "The First Cut is the Deepest"
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Yusuf Islam -- the folk singer formerly known as Cat Stevens -- caused the diversion of a London-bound flight Wednesday. "I was reminiscing, remembering the old times," said Islam, "And I idly jotted down titles of songs I particularly liked." When he happened to pen the words "The First Cut is the Deepest", a fellow passenger alerted a stewardess. The flight was instructed to turn around and land immediately in Maine. "Man, this whole Islamic gig is gettin' old," said Islam, "I didn't even really like 'First Cut', I was just trying to remember a few songs from back then. Man."

"I didn't even know who he was," said Madeleine Buttright, the passenger that turned Islam in, "In fact, I still don't know. But when I saw that beard, I knew he was up to no good. Then I saw him writing something about 'First Blood', or something. Stuff like that just shouldn't be written down."

"We took Ms. Buttright at her word that something was amiss with Mr. Islam," said United Airlines representative Humphrey Duprey, "We didn't try to determine if there actually was a threat until we landed in Maine. That's our procedure, adopted since 9/11, and we stand behind it. Besides, the name 'Yusuf Islam' was on our watch list provided by the Department of Homeland Security."

Tom Ridge, Secretary of Homeland Security, said, "Celebrity or unknown, our job is to act on information that others have given us. Had we failed to act on Ms. Buttright's intuition, who knows what may have resulted?" Others feel that this is taking security too far. "Who's to say Ms. Buttright wasn't setting up a diversion for her own hijacking?" asked Charles Lumm, editor of Cracked Liberty magazine, "When we allow ourselves to simply ask, 'What if we don't act?' then we allow ourselves to name anyone as a terrorist."

"I have to say, despite everything that's happened," admitted Islam, "Just hearing the name 'Buttright' makes me laugh. Allah forgive me."
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