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Nuke Agency Removes "How-To" Guides Amid Terror Fears
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Nuclear Regulatory Commission removed its popular "How-To" comic section from its web site Tuesday after nuclear safety activists and media organizations found that the material, though presented in "a tongue-in-cheek" manner, still contained sensitive information they said could help terrorists.

"Our humor has been very well-received by the public."
-- Nils J. Diaz, NRC Chairman
The information included floor plans for nuclear laboratories at several universities, specifying the types and locations of nuclear materials they use. "Our comic strips and other humor have been very well-received by the public, particularly academia," explained NRC Chairman Nils J. Diaz, "Though I admit the humor was often derived from putting fictional characters in realistic settings. Like Dilbert." In one strip, since removed from the site, a recurring character named Morton stumbles while improperly carrying a plutonium capsule through a secured government facility. "You see? Without the proper protective gear, his hands became irradiated! And in the last panel, sure enough, he can't sleep from the glow of his own hands!" shrieked Diaz in laughter.

"Humor has its place, and it isn't on the NRC's web site," said Michael Bolton (unrelated to the singer/song write of the same name), representing a body of critics lambasting the agency for presenting such information so freely. "The humor is bad enough. We're not talking simple geek-humor here, but intensely 'insider humor' that only those in the know would understand. And I have it on good authority that even those who understand it say it's 'lamesville'," he said, adding, "And they are using real settings for the strips, revealing nuclear secrets to terrorists."

More than one independent observer has questioned the critics motives. "It sounds like the Morton strips just make them feel stupid," said one, "I don't get it either, but who cares, right?" Another agreed, saying, "I think they don't get it, and rather than admit it, they are just trying to get them removed."

"For the time being, they'll stay down," said Diaz, "While we scrub out the real-life details that admittedly never should have been in there. I think we tend to grab whatever's handy, be it a cocktail napkin or a blueprint, and just start doodling without thinking. But 'glowing hands'? Oh man, that's classic."
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