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Ukraine Demands Investigation of Recent U.S. Election
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KIEV, Ukraine - Ukraine's Supreme Court has convened to review allegations of fraud in the United States election, which gave control by a narrow margin to George W. Bush for a second term. "We believe that any fair review of the administration of Mr. Bush would show that no one would reasonably choose to vote for him," explained Liberal opposition leader Viktor Yushchenko, himself defeated under suspicious circumstances, "So the only remaining explanation is fraud. Since the U.S. holds so much sway over the rest of the world, we feel it is within our rights to review the election." Ukraine's contested winner, Prime Minister Viktor Yanukovych, has indicated that he will not comment on the matter until the Supreme Court makes its ruling.

"At least now we know who the 'world leaders' are that supported Senator Kerry!"
-- Vice-President Dick Cheney
The court could take up to several days to declare its ruling on the hundreds of serious complaints lodged against Bush and the Republican Party, an official said. "Examining the case could take anywhere from a few hours to several days, depending on how many representatives each side puts forward and the nature of their statements," spokesman Liana Shlyaposhnikova told reporters ahead of the sitting.

"At least now we know who the 'world leaders' are that Senator Kerry said supported him," quipped Vice President Dick Cheney, when asked about Ukraine's move during a press conference, "He was telling the truth after all. Wuddaya know." When pressed further, Cheney admitted, "We are looking into the Ukraine allegations. They appear on their face to be baseless rumors, however we are giving it a good look-see. If anything is untoward, we will get to the bottom of it."

U.S. Democratic Sen. Richard Lugar, who served as an election monitor in Indiana and neighboring Ohio, said the battle was "perhaps the greatest story in the world right now, largely because it is about the space of freedom, whether it's going to expand or not. And in this particular election, the government of President Bush may have allowed, or aided and abetted, wholesale fraud and abuse that changed the results of the election."

On Saturday, the Ukrainian parliament passed non-binding measures backing an annulment of the election, dissolution of the Republican Party and calling for new elections.
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