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Everybody Resigns From Everything
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EVERYWHERE - Political and Social analysts are struggling to explain the spate of resignations sweeping the nation. "When Powell and Ashcroft 'resigned', it just looked like a standard changing of the guard," said Derrick Staan, political columnist for The New York Times, "But with Ridge stepping down, its clear we're dealing with a genuine epidemic." Not limited to the political arena, the scourge has struck sports, unions, and civil rights organizations as well. "Nobody saw Mfume's resignation coming," said an anonymous NAACP official, "It was as if it were simply fated to be."

"Like all human activities, political intrigue is subject to circadian rhythms."
-- Professor of Political Science, Michael Slayde
"When all political/hierarchical waves trough simultaneously, we get... unpredictable results," explained Professor of Political Science, Michael Slayde, "Like all human activities, political intrigue is subject to the circadian rhythms that thrum through all of us. I felt a strong urge to stop participating in my son's Little League, but upon consulting my biorhythms and those of a few friends, I realized I was simply under the influence of a waxing political trend."

Not everyone is convinced the resignations are connected. "C'mon people," raved Bill Maher, appearing on the Tonight Show, "It's a new administration! It's a new year! People resign, it's a big country. Let's not get all mystical when a half dozen people all say 'Boo' at once here. Besides, do we really believe Ashcroft 'resigned'?"

Despite similar comments from other analysts, resignations continue to pour in. "Our PTA is down to the treasurer and the woman who always brings cupcakes," lamented PTA treasurer Lauren Beaks, "But you know what I say? More cupcakes for me!"

If a genuine "trough" is the culprit, Slayde says it shouldn't last long. "One wave or two has no effect. It takes many different sines all striking the same low point at the same time to bring the political community down like this," he said, "In no time at all things will be back to normal."
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