The Bentinel Logo Home | FAQ | Links | Book (New!) | Archive
Bending the truth to fit the facts!
-- Clean, family-friendly news satire and parody --




Book (New!)


RSS feed for The Bentinel

Let us send you an email when a new story is published! Enter your email address above and press Alert Me!
privacy policy

Did you know?
NASA Launches Crippled Shuttle To Test Repair Kits
(email to a friend)

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida - Astronauts on the first space shuttle flight since the Columbia tragedy will need to enlist at least one of three methods for patching holes in orbit in order to return safely, NASA engineers explained Tuesday. "Experience shows that people think and work at their best when under some pressure," said engineer Horace Widenour, "Recognizing that the ship cannot return unless they apply the correct kits in the correct manner will improve their on-the-ground training as well as their efforts on-orbit." There will be another two repair kits on hand in case their ship is further damaged by launch debris this spring.

On Thursday, the seven astronauts who will take off aboard Discovery as early as mid-May said they still were waiting to hear which repair techniques they would fly. "I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with the idea," admitted shuttle commander Eileen Collins, "But I have applied some of the patches myself on some mocked-up damage sites. They seem solid enough. Still, intentionally damaging the craft before launch just to run some tests... I don't know."

None of the five options could repair a hole as big as the one that crippled Columbia's left wing. A chunk of insulating foam from the external fuel tank caused that crevice. "Naturally we won't be putting that sort of hole in Discovery," explained Widenour, "But pinhead-sized holes aren't very worthy tests. We'll be inflicting something in between, probably about the size of a pickled pig's foot."

"Two of the repair kits will be demonstrated in Discovery's cargo bay", said NASA spokesman Kyle Herring, "One is geared toward fixing dings with what is essentially thick paint. The other -- nicknamed 'gummi-bear' -- involves a small caulking gun for fixing cracks in wing panels. Gummi will be getting the workout on this flight."

"It's a cute name," allowed Collins, cautiously, "But I still can't say I'm fully on board with the plan."
(email to a friend)


Looking for the best web site in the whole world? Look no further than! Loonwatch Islamophobia Ilisha, a site exposing the lies about Islam and Muslims. Do you think you have a Russian Girlfriend? Think again! Are you looking for a family portrait or wedding photographer in Dallas, Texas? Images by Andi is here for you! Looking for gently-used, cheap, tax-free cigarettes? They're available here. In the market for Weber Grills? This site has 'em. Are you addicted to sugar? Then you could use Self-Help for Sugar Addiction. Like movies? Check out these Movie Trailers. Down on your luck? Perhaps you'll need some Prescription Drugs Online. If that doesn't help, maybe you'll just stay home and Download movies. With the money you save on popcorn, you can play at this online casino . If you're driven into Drug Abuse, this site has the answer. Like jokes? Visit The Joke Teller Web Site! Like games or programs? Go to Josef's site!

Copyright 2003-2004, The Bentinel (, All Rights Reserved