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U.N. Ambassador Named Supermodel
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NEW YORK, New York - U.N. Ambassador John Bolton, best known for his dim view of overly made-up women, has been named a "Supermodel" by GQ Magazine. "Bolton has a physique, a station, a carriage that just exudes glamour," explained GQ editor Dylan Jones, "And now with a sexy new position at the U.N., it just all came together. One of our assistant editors came to me with a small photo spread and a bio, and there it was." Bolton, 56, was widely believed to be on his way out of the Bush administration prior to the "Supermodel" announcement. "I don't know what to say," he told reporters, "I'm not really a 'looker', as it were, so I guess I'm as surprised as I am flattered."

"He needs to work on his walk, get some 'sway'"
-- Supermodel Liya Kebede
Unlike his fellow U.N. freshman Supermodel Liya Kebede, Bolton has little experience in the modeling industry. "He needs to work on his walk," remarked Kebede, "He is just 'moving'. He needs to get some sway, some saunter. His walk is purposeful, but it's not a purpose anyone wants to watch." When told of Kebede's remarks, Bolton humbly replied, "I'll take all the advice I can get."

Historically, magazine spreads dedicated to politicians-turned-models have not carried sales the way models-turned-politicians tend to. "We're not worried about the issue's distribution," said Jones, "We have a good subscription base, loyal readers. They won't buy because John's in there, but they won't send the issue back over it, either. I think John deserves to be in there and he's in there. End of story."

Critics say that something else is driving GQ's move. "Generally, it is public opinion that determines 'supermodel' status, not a particular magazine," said entertainment industry insider, Marcus Dell, "The fact that the Bolton appointment has not been well-received by the Bush constituency may have been a factor here." A source at GQ agreed, revealing, "I was surprised to see [Secretary of State Condoleezza] Rice in Dylan's office the other week, it just didn't make sense at the time. Now it comes together."

The Bolton Spread will be in the April edition of GQ. A portion of the photos are available at the magazine's web site.
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